Time flies by.
In November, I was perfectly comfortable in my apartment, with five other great girls, living comfortably.
Then my world got turned upside down.
Not in a bad way, but when someone that you met earlier becomes a more and more significant figure in your life, your perfectly ordered world where you had time for friends, work, and yourself becomes very disorganized.
My mom told me recently, "Don't base your confidence off of how much attention he gives you."
And to be honest, I was a little bothered. But it caused me to reflect on why that statement got under my skin and how his attention does affect me.
Why did it get under my skin? Allow me to answer that for you. I have a friend whom I love dearly that would base her happiness on whether or not she had a boyfriend. Disclaimer: I wasn't in her brain, so I could only observe things. From what I could observe, I was always astounded at how unhappy she was if she didn't have one by her side. She didn't feel pretty if someone didn't tell her so, she didn't feel worth unless someone showed interest in her.
This made no sense to me.
WHY would you depend on someone else to tell you you're pretty, when you can do that yourself? If you feel pretty, then you ARE pretty.
WHY would you base your happiness off of someone else's attention? People aren't very observant, so they will miss when you wear your favorite sweater that makes your eyes pop.
So in answer to the question, it bothered me because I was happy and confident BEFORE I had him in my life. I had great friends, a great job, and a great time anywhere I went. I had a strong testimony of God and His son Jesus Christ, and had faith that when the time was right, I would find the right man for me. I am so happy now that I have the right man, and that we can be each other's for eternity.
How does his attention affect me? It always surprises me. I'll be working on my computer, and look up and there he is, simply smiling at me. I'll crinkle my nose at him, or simply say, "Hi." Those spontaneous moments warm my heart. I am already confident when walking into his house. When he puts his arms around me and squeezes incredibly hard and says, "Wow, you're beautiful." I think in my mind, "I know," but aloud I say, "Thank you." Sounds cocky, but it is the honest truth.
Note: His happiness adds to the happiness I already call my own. Something I have always felt strongly about is that you must be happy with yourself before you can possibly make anyone else happy. How can you give happiness to someone if your cup has run dry? Your happiness that you have found yourself should expand your entire soul. Then, someone can come in and open up an entire other room that you had no idea about. Your combined happiness floods that room, and you feel even more content than you did before.
I also like to see it as so: Fill yourself to the brim at the feast of happiness. Feast until you feel you might burst. You don't know it at the time, but there is ALWAYS room for dessert.
